To my precious Rowan,
You are my whole heart. I adore every piece of you. Waiting for you, growing you inside me, nurturing you, watching you open your eyes and start to see the world – these are the things that have made me come alive in ways I’ve never expected possible. I would do absolutely anything for you, and I hope you never have to ask. I hope I know you well enough to anticipate your needs and your heart, to be hugging you before you realize you need a hug.
I’ve never enjoyed simply watching anyone as much as I do you. I care about how you play and the words you use and the way you look at other people. I love the freckle on your tummy, the way your eye squints just a little bit when you grin, the places in your hair that curl or fall straight. I see everything. I see when you need connection and gentleness, rest or play. I see when you’re most alive. I see you.
As your mother, I hope so many things for you.
I want you to be successful. But success might look different to me than it does to the world. Success to me is you learning how to be fully you. Embracing it. Living it. I want you to feel safe and free of shame in who you are as a person. I want your creativity to shine, your appreciation for singing and dancing, your love for organizing and cleaning. All of those little quirks and tendencies you have are the most beautiful pieces of you, and they deserve to be celebrated and cherished. As your mama, I promise to equip you with a value and appreciation for yourself. You are stunning and radiant and nothing less than perfect.
I want you to be whole. I hope that you’ll always feel the space to communicate what you need and that people rush in to meet your needs almost before you can ask. I know how daunting it can feel to ask for help or to invite people in, and I promise to be the one person you can count on to always be there. Your need is my need and I promise to always take care of you.
It is important to me that you know that you will always be good enough. You will always be worth loving. And I know you’ll ask yourself over the years if you are worth loving, and I want my voice to be so ingrained in you telling you YES that all other voices around you are silenced. That I tell you often enough that it becomes the most normal part of how you view yourself. You are loved and you are good enough. Always.
Rowan Sloan, you are my precious girl. I love you to pieces and still get excited every time I see you – whether its when you’re waking up, playing in the bath, running around with Lucy, or watching a movie. Seeing your face and your heart and your sweet little hands is what sets my heart on fire. I love you I love you I love you. And I’ll tell you a million times a day. You are mine.